Shadow Work Coaching

The shadow is the “dark side” of our personality because it consists chiefly of primitive, negative human emotions and impulses like rage, envy, greed, selfishness, desire, and the striving for power. All we deny in ourselves—whatever we perceive as inferior, evil, or unacceptable—become part of the shadow. Anything incompatible with our chosen conscious attitude about ourselves relegates to this dark side.

The personal shadow is the disowned self. This shadow self represents the parts of us we no longer claim to be our own, including inherent positive qualities. These unexamined or disowned parts of our personality don’t go anywhere. Although we deny them, in our attempt to cast them out, we don’t get rid of them. We repress them; they are part of our unconscious. Think of the unconscious as everything we are not conscious of. We can’t eliminate the shadow. It stays with us as our dark brother or sister.

How the Shadow is Formed

Every young child knows kindness, love, and generosity, but he also expresses anger, selfishness, and greed. These emotions are part of our shared humanity. But as we grow up, something happens.
Traits associated with “being good” are accepted, while others associated with “being bad” are rejected.
We all have basic human needs. These needs include physiological needs, safety and security needs, and needs for belonging. These needs are biological and instinctual. As children, when we expressed certain parts of ourselves, we received negative cues from our environment. Maybe we got angry and threw a tantrum. Our parents reprimanded the outburst and sent us to our room. Or perhaps we acted boldly, playfully, spontaneously, or silly in our first-grade classroom. Our teacher shamed us for our lack of decorum in front of the class and told us to sit down. Whenever it happened—and it might have happened often—it threatened one of our basic needs.

We adjusted our behavior to gratify our needs and learned to adapt to the external world. All the unaccepted or discouraged parts of us in the first 20 years of our lives are bundled together, swept out of view (outside our conscious awareness). This repression of unwanted parts creates what psychologist Carl Jung called the personal shadow.

What is Shadow Work?

Each and every one of us has a shadow. Facing one’s Shadow involves the conscious process of acknowledging, accepting, letting go and healing one’s very own hidden aspects as they arise. In Shadow-Work we approach these often hidden aspect(s) from a heart level with the understanding and compassion that our shadows or shunned pieces are still a part of us. This is often done through a series of introspective exercises and journaling. As soon as we accomplish this, we can have compassion and eventually understanding for the behaviors, negativity, and typically pain that goes with the shadow. Our self-healing can begin!

Why Should I Do Shadow Work?

The shadow isn’t a popular topic. Who enjoys owning their flaws, weaknesses, selfishness, nastiness, hate, and so on? Focusing on our strengths is more enjoyable and life-affirming. Exploring our shadow side, however, gives us tremendous opportunities for growth and development.

Let’s look at six benefits that result from shadow work:

1. Improved Relationships
   As you integrate your shadow side and come to terms with your darker half, you see yourself more clearly. You become more grounded, human, and whole. When you can accept your own darker parts, it is easier to accept the shadow in others. As a result, other people’s behavior won’t trigger you as easily. You’ll also have an easier time communicating with others. You may notice an improvement in your relationships with your spouse, family members, friends, and business associates.
2. Clearer Perception
   In seeing others and yourself as you are, you’ll have a cleaner lens with which to view the world. As you integrate your shadow self, you’re approaching your authentic self, which gives you a more realistic assessment of who you are. When you’re self-aware, you can assess your environment more accurately. You’ll see others and evaluate situations with greater clarity, compassion, and understanding.
3. Enhanced Energy and Physical Health
   Dragging around this invisible bag of stuff behind us is draining. It is exhausting work to continually repress and suppress all of the parts of ourselves that we don’t want to face in our adulthood. Fatigue and lethargy can plague the unexamined life. Mental suppression can also lead to physical pain and disease. With shadow work, you liberate a tremendous reservoir of energy you were unconsciously investing in to protect yourself. This can improve your physical, mental, and emotional health.
4. Psychological Integration and Maturity
   As long as we deny our shadows and repress certain parts of ourselves, a sense of wholeness and unity is elusive. How can we feel a sense of wholeness and balance with a divided mind? Integrating the shadow brings you one step closer to realizing a sense of wholeness. It’s a critical step to achieving mature adulthood.
5. Greater Creativity
   One of the greatest benefits of shadow work is that it unlocks more of your creative potential. Creativeness is a spontaneous occurrence in mentally healthy (integrated) individuals.
6. Improved Self-Esteem
   You’ll enjoy the freedom from worrying about what other people think of you. You’ll have more confidence and courage to pursue your creativity, goals, and passions.

Many negative issues that affect your life can result by keeping your shadow hidden and locked away. These can include:

• Addictions
• Uncontrollable rage/anger
• Social anxiety
• Obsessive/compulsive disorders
• Sexual deviancy
• Depression
• Self-sabotage
• Neuroticism
• Limiting beliefs